Editing Questions: Narrative

Lauren "Polly" Kinghorn

1. What are the strengths of your partner’s essay? Why?

2. What areas could use improvements? In other words, what suggestions can you give

your partner that will help his/her paper improve?

3. What is your favorite literary device used in your partner’s essay?
4. What is the part of the paper that stands out as the most "catchy" or important?
1.The strengths in her essay were how organized it was, and it was very realistic.  Because she told it in chronological order and I could feel what she was saying.
2.  She could of addedd a little bit more detail and imagery, but that's about it.
3. My favorite literary device in her paper was her use of similie's.
4. The part of her paper that stands out to me the most is when she tells the reader how she felt after she woke and how she really brings to light the fact that not everyone who goes onto a Mental Hospital is actually crazy.

Narrative Checklist

- My Narrative does recreate some events that occured in my life, but I could add more detail to it.
- It does go in sequence from begining to end, and from the first thing that happened to the last thing that happened.  I just don't have specific dates or times, I just have the years.
- I show in some parts and tell in some parts, but it is set at a specific time I don't if it's set a specific place though since theres so many differnet places in the story.
- Instead of saying what someone told me I should add more dialogue and make it more interesting.
- I need to be more specific about the people and places that I'm at.
- It does present conflicts and tensions, but I sort of tell about them instead of showing them.
- I do change from the event and the conflict in the story is a self to self type of conflict.
- The event is very relavent in my life today and it will be just as relavent in the future.
- I still need to add more detail to it so that the reader can feel what I'm saying, I also need to add a voice to it because it seems all monotoned.

Helen Keller Narrative Questions

1. I thought that it was inspirational and it made understand Helen Keller more because the story was told through her eyes.
2.The most interesting part or engaing part about it was how Ms.Sullivian would use her finger to trace words into Helens hand since she was blind and deaf.
3.What surprised me was how Helen Keller really felt, I really didn't understand until she was comparing herself to the being at sea in a dense fog.
4.This did change my outlook on Helen Keller, because I saw how life was for her through her eyes at such a young age, an age at where most of us are playing outside and just being kids with no worries in the world.
5."Have you ever been at sea in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in, and the great ship, tense and anxious, groped her way toward the shore with plummet and sounding-line, and you waited with beating heart for something to happen? I was like that ship before my education began, only I was without compass or sounding-line, and had no way of knowing how near the harbour was. "Light! give me light!" was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour."
"The afternoon sun penetrated the mass of honeysuckle that covered the porch, and fell on my upturned face."
"I felt my teacher sweep the fragments to one side of the hearth, and I had a sense of satisfaction that the cause of my discomfort was removed"
6.A narrative can be more engaging than a biography because your the one telling the story so the readers are reading about your life through your eyes not another persons.  It's always important to get someones personal perspective, because it enlightens you and keeps you from being small-minded in thinking that everyone thinks like you or acts like you or even goes through the same things as you.
7. I could write a narrative about:

• How I grew up in two different worlds
• The struggle my families gone through to survive
• The day I got saved
• My love for Jesus Christ
• The importance of  God,family, and education
• How I've evovled since freshman year
• Personal struggles
• Importance of loyalty
• My love for my homeland
• My biggest fears
• When my Granpa died

Where I'm From

Where I’m From

By: Akosua Antwi

I am from the blood of Jesus Christ,

My Lord and Savior, from the red dust

And rich soil of my mothers land.

I am from the blood spilt and the

Unbelievable struggle for independence,

I am from magnificent achievements

Kwame Nkrumah made to unify a divided

nation.

I am from the house that opens its arms

wide for all who believe.  From the light green

grassy plains of Volta to the clusters pushing by

in Kumasi,  I’m from the gentle smile of a

wise long lived long lived man.  From the five sharp

points of harmony.

I’m from the nails that were hammered into his

hands and the thrones that were placed on his head.

I am from the blood that was lost on Calvary, but the souls

that were saved all around the world.  I am from a home

much bigger than most with blessed old men and joyful

bouncing babies.  From the never ending arguments and late

night talks of two sisters, I’m from the pain and hardships

of a survivor, from the willingness and perseverance of a school

teacher. From the funniest times of a light brown eyed lady

and the softness of her well-aged skin.  I’m from the years toiled

for equality and the harsh, cruel words of hatred.  I’m from his

grace and love that continues to shine me.  I’m from those days coming

ahead where I will be with my father eternally.

I’m from these moments that define my being and are the

directions to my soul.

Survey

1. Yes I enjoy English classes, because it gives me a chance to share my opinnions and show my creativity.
2. Journals, Opinnionated essays
3.I like to read book  the bible and about other countries and cultures. (fiction mostly)
4. I despise writing research papers and about things that I can't relate to or have no interest in.
5. D
6. I depends.  If it's about an interesting topic then yes, but if it's something that's hard for me to relate to then no.
7. I contribute
8. Outside of school I have a job, I go to church related functions, help out around the house, and I hang out with my friends.
9. Over the weekend I went to work from 5:30 to 9:30, I only went from 3 to 7 on Sunday. I started my weekend early, because I only had 1 exam on Thursaday.  On Friday I went to work and then to church for an all night.  Which is when we do bible studies and dicussions, and pray.  On Saturday I went to work then came home and did the laundry. Then on Sunday I went to church.  After church on Sunday I went to visit my aunt who just had a baby girl then I left for work again.
10.  Not really, it's just that sometimes I can be really lazy and not feel like working, and I have a really bad mouth.  I tend to cuss a lot without even noticing, I know its a bad habit and I'm trying to change that.  I'm also really loud and I say things sometimes that are mean but not intended to be mean,  but besides that I'm okay with anything.
11.  Do we have to share all the papers we will right?